Totally stolen from Reddit:
Q: What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?
Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He ate his dinner before it was cool.
Q: How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW MAN! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!
Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
A: Philippe Philoppe.
And the winner(s)!
Q: What did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
A: "Make me one with everything."
The monk then handed the hotdog vendor $20 and after waiting for a moment, asked for his change.
The vendor looked at him and said, “Change comes from within.”
The monk then pulls a gun from his robe and demands his money.
The vendor says "Christ, whatever happened to inner peace?"
So the monk gestures at his gun and says "This is my inner piece."