I found this while working on my book cover, which puns on "glass half full"
Optimist: The glass is half full
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty
Realist: Yep. That's a glass, alright
Idealist: One day, cold fusion from a glass of water will provide unlimited energy and end war
Capitalist: If I bottled this and gave it a New Agey sounding name, I could make a fortune
Communist: This drink belongs to every single one of us in equal measure
Conspiracist: The government is floridating the water for mind controlling purposes
Sexist: This glass isn't gonna fill itself, honeybuns...
Nihilist: The glass does not exist, and neither do I
Opportunist: There's a funny t-shirt in here somewhere