11 February 2013

Monday funnies

From my dad (former consultant):

Spoon: A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

“Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour."

"If our personnel were better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom."

"By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%."

I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon..."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh a good, good laugh any time I can think of my longtime table-waiting jobs.

I waited tables for a couple of years at a restaurant where the management, oddly, had us stick a spoon in everyone's coffee before we served it. I guess to keep from having to put spoons on the table. A super grumpy customer who never left a tip ordered a coffee every day and said, "and keep the spoon out of it!" So all of us waitresses would pour his coffee back behind the counter, stick a spoon in it for a while and let it sit there for some nice waitressy revenge, and then take it out, and serve him his coffee with a genuine smile. I don't know what you economists would make of that evil story. :)